Action Figures
by callosum
Summary: The Strawhat crew are out shopping for birthday presents for Chopper when they come across a stall selling action figures...very familiar ones... One-shot, fluff. Happy birthday, Chopper!


**Title:** Action Figures

**Summary:** The Strawhat crew are out shopping for birthday presents for Chopper when they come across a stall selling action figures...very familiar ones... One-shot, fluff. Happy birthday, Chopper!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own One Piece, etc.

* * *

It wasn't very common for the entire Strawhat crew to go shopping together. Usually they went in twos or threes, if they went at all - Zoro usually did everything he could to get out of shopping, for example, and only Nami, with her hold over the swordsman in the form of an enormous debt, could get him to come along and act as a pack mule.

But it was Chopper's birthday, and during several weeks out at sea no one had been able to buy him a gift. To save time before their big surprise party that night, they decided to all go together and let Chopper pick his own presents.

They walked through the crowded streets of Shopintown, eyes open for something that might interest Chopper. They'd already had one success - a rare medical book Chopper had been wanting for a long time, which Robin had volunteered to sponsor. Just eight presents left to go.

"Hey, everyone! Everyone!" Chopper suddenly shouted, sounding excited.

The crew turned to the little reindeer, who had stopped at a stall selling little figurines.

"Found something you like, Chopper?" Zoro said, bending down to look at the stall's wares. "What the hell? Oi, you lot, come look at this!"

"Ooh, I wanna see, I wanna see!" Luffy said excitedly, bouncing up to look at the figurines arrayed on the stall's table. "Sugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei!"

"That's us!" Usopp said, open-mouthed.

"We've been turned into action figures!" Chopper squealed.

"My, my, it's not everyday that the real people behind my toys show up," said the stall-owner, looking a tad nervous. They were the Straw Hat pirates after all, with a combined bounty of over 700 million beli.

"Shishishishi! We're famous!"

"We've been famous a while, Luffy. You do have a 300 million beli bounty on your head, you know," Nami said.

"But this is a whole new level of famous! We have our own _action figures_!"

Everyone picked up their own action figure and examined it.

"Aaaaaaaaah! Why is my action figure wearing TROUSERS? I wear pants, ossan, PANTS! Little Frankies have to be free to breathe, y'know!"

"I apologise, sir! But these are meant for kids, after all..." the stall-owner quickly explained.

"Is this supposed to be Tora Gari? It's completely the wrong stance," Zoro said critically. He moved the articulated limbs of the Zoro action figure a little, and said, "Much better. Hey, what's this?" He pulled a string at the back of his action figure, and it squeaked, "I will become the greatest swordsman in the world!"

"Cooooooooooooooooool!" Luffy said, stars in his eyes.

"Sounds like your pants are a bit too tight too, Zoro-bro."

"SHUT UP! Oi, ossan, this thing's voice is ridiculous! How can you sell such a shoddy product?"

The stall-owner cowered under the swordsman's wrath. "I...er..."

Luffy pulled the string on his own action figure. "I'm the man who will be the Pirate King!" his action figure boomed, an octave lower than his usual chirp.

"What the hell? Ossan, how come his action figure has such a deep voice and mine sounds like...like..." He was about to say "Chopper", but he didn't want to hurt the little reindeer's feelings.

"I'm deeply sorry, sir! I only sell them, I didn't make them!" the stall-owner squeaked, sounding very much like Zoro's action figure.

"Hey, look at this! Gomu gomu no LIMBS!" Luffy's action figure had been cleverly made with springs and some sort of elastic "skin", which allowed his arms, legs and neck to stretch. "Shishishishi! Gomu gomu no ROCKET!"

"Yo ho ho ho! I wonder what my action figure says!" Brook pulled the string on the back of his own figurine and it began to sing Bink's Sake in a horribly tinny and off-key voice. Brook stared at it for the duration of the verse, then turned to the stall-owner with a death glare.

"Stall-owner-san, would you mind explaining this - this affront to my musical talents?"

The stall-owner seemed to freak out at having to explain to a walking skeleton why his action figure didn't sing in tune. His mouth opened and closed but no sound came out.

Chopper hated confrontation, so he tried to quickly change the subject. "Usopp, it's too bad you don't have an action figure."

"That's okay, Chopper. It's no big deal."

"Who do you have there? Oh, it's Sogeking!"

"Gomu gomu no BAZOOKA!"

"Sanji doesn't have one either, does he? Right, Sanji? Sanji?"

The others looked down at the moping puddle that was their cook. "I think it's best if we leave him alone right now, Chopper," Nami sighed.

"He's been like that ever since he saw his," Usopp explained, indicating an action figure Chopper had thought was of Duval, not Sanji. And it wasn't even Duval after his dose of Sanji's Parage Shot either. Chopper decided it was probably best to say nothing.

"Gomu gomu no GATLING GUN! Aww man, it's already broken? Ossan, this action figure is weak. I'm a lot stronger than this!" Luffy's attention was finally drawn away from his own action figure, and now he peered over at Sanji's. "Why're you so sad, Sanji? It looks just like you."

"LUFFY!" The puddle re-formed into a very angry cook, who began to strangle his captain rather ineffectually.

"Um, what about yours, Nami?" Chopper said desperately.

"Well, it's all right, I suppose," she said, ignoring Luffy and sounding slightly dissatisfied. "Just...not sexy enough."

Sanji immediately turned his attention away from his offending captain, his eyes turning heart-shaped. "Of course no action figure could hope to match your beauty and sexiness, Nami-swaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

"I only wish I could say the same, Nami-chan," Robin said, an undercurrent of anger in her otherwise calm voice. She activated a button on her action figure and extra body parts sprouted, only they were body parts the others had never seen Robin replicate before. And with good reason, for they would be useless against an enemy, except perhaps one like Sanji, who immediately sprouted a nose-bleed and melted into a love-sick goo.

"Ossan, I thought you said these toys were meant for childen?" Franky said, sounding rather thuggish.

"I...um...I'm terribly sorry! It's...very popular though..." the stall-owner stammered.

"Chopper, do you like your action figure?" Zoro interrupted.

Chopper had been so busy looking at the others' action figures he hadn't really taken a close look at his own yet. Now as he looked at it, he felt there was something off about it, something he couldn't quite put his hoof on...

"Ahhhhhhh! I don't have any antlers!"

"It looks like they thought you were a tanuki," Usopp observed.

"I'm not a tanuki, I'm a tonakai! Bastard!" Chopper screamed shrilly at the stall-owner, who seemed rather taken aback to be scolded by the Straw Hats' "pet".

"So, you hate your action figure?" Zoro concluded.

"Yeah!"

"Okay then." Zoro drew Shuusui out of its sheath. "You guys with me?"

"I'm in," Usopp said immediately, though he wasn't sure exactly what was happening.

Sanji stood up, and took a long puff on his cigarette. "For Robin-chan's honour," he agreed. After all, it wouldn't do to have kids ogling at Robin-chan's most prized assets, at least from his point of view.

"We can't have kids thinking we're weaklings," Luffy said, sounding serious.

"Or tone-deaf," Brook added.

"Or that we wear trousers."

"You're the only one who doesn't wear trousers!" the others yelled at Franky.

"Guess we're all agreed, then."

Luffy drew back his arm. "Gomu gomu no..."

"36-pound..."

"Mouton shoot..."

"Kaen boshi..."

"Gavotte bond..."

"Coup de vent..."

"CANNON!" everyone chorused. Then they stood back to look at their handiwork.

They were not alone. The entire street turned to look at the flaming remains of the stall.

"Now you've done it," Nami sighed.

"It had to be done," Zoro shrugged.

"Ojisan, how much do we owe you?" Nami said, taking out her wallet.

The destruction of his stall and wares seemed to have given the stall-owner new courage. "A hundred thousand beli, you vandals!"

Nami turned a glinty eye on him. "What did you say?" she said slowly, intimidatingly.

"Er...twenty thousand beli!" the stall-owner squeaked.

"That's more like it. Zoro, Luffy, Sanji, Franky, Brook, Usopp - you each owe me five thousand beli for breaking the stall," Nami said while handing over a wad of bills to the stall-owner.

"What the hell? That means you make ten thousand beli, witch!"

"How dare you call Nami-san a witch, marimo bastard!"

"Well, in that case, I'm out. I've no more money," Usopp said sadly.

"Me neither," said Brook.

"I'm particularly broke this week," Franky groaned.

"I'm in enough debt to Nami as it is," Zoro grumbled.

Chopper began to cry.

"Ah, it doesn't mean we're not getting you presents, Chopper!" Usopp said quickly. "I'll tell you this great story about a reindeer just like you, who went out to sea!"

"I'll compose a special birthday song for you. Yo ho ho ho!"

"I've a bunch of SUPA gadgets in my workshop. You can come take a look at them and take whichever one you like best," Franky said generously.

"Mmm...I'll give you a big hug!" Luffy grinned.

Sanji was quiet, because the party was supposed to be a surprise, but privately he was planning to add a few more choice dishes he was sure Chopper would love.

Zoro sighed. "Man, this is annoying. But I guess, if you want to ride on my shoulders, I'll let you, for a month."

But even all these wonderful gifts failed to lift Chopper's spirits.

"What's the matter, Chopper?" Usopp asked, feeling bad for their little doctor. It wasn't right for Chopper to be sad on his birthday.

Chopper sniffled. "I - I - I wanted action figures of all of you!"

"Of us? What for? You see us in action every day!"

"But if we ever get separated again, or if you ever don't want me to be your nakama...or...or...if something really BAD happens...then I'll still be able to see you and remember you!" You never knew after all, Chopper thought - even Doctor had once rejected him, and what if some day one of his nakama came down with a terrible disease that he wasn't a good enough doctor to cure?

The others looked down at the sobbing reindeer, taken aback by his sudden emotional outburst.

"What _are_ you talking about, Chopper?" Sanji said.

"Don't be silly, Chopper, no one's going anywhere," Zoro growled.

"Yeah, Chopper, we're strong. No one's gonna defeat us ever again!" Luffy said brightly.

"If we ever get injured or sick, we have the best doctor in the world to take care of us," Usopp pointed out.

"And no matter what happens, you'll ALWAYS be our nakama," Nami grinned.

"P-p-promise?"

"Yeah, we promise!" everyone beamed.

"We love you, little bro!" Franky sobbed.

"Sh-sh-shut up! Hearing you say that doesn't make me happy, you bastards!"

Chopper was still giggling quietly to himself half an hour later as he rode on Zoro's shoulders back to the ship, surrounded by his nakama. Luffy was capering on ahead of the crew and shouting for Sanji to hurry up and cook. Sanji was alternating between swearing at Luffy and making love-eyes at Nami and Robin, a big package under his arm. (What Chopper didn't know was that it was Nami's secret present to Chopper - a cotton candy machine, coincidentally costing exactly ten thousand beli.) Nami and Robin were chuckling at a little joke between themselves. Brook was humming a tune to himself, perhaps his first draft of Chopper's birthday song. Usopp and Franky were discussing how to make "SUPA realistic" action figures of themselves. And Zoro was walking on quietly, stolidly, radiating reassurance by his very presence.

And Chopper knew that even if Usopp and Franky came up with awesome action figures of the whole crew, he didn't need them anymore. Because what he loved about his nakama wasn't their fighting skills, cool as they were, but these little moments, the simple interactions that made them more than nakama, that made them family. No action figure could ever capture that.

And even though he hadn't received any physical presents (excepting the book from Robin and the as-yet-unknown-to-him cotton candy machine), he really didn't mind. Because every day he got to spend with his nakama was the best present _ever_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Man, I totally thought Chopper's birthday was on Christmas Day itself, so I had to rush this one out. Happy birthday, Chopper, and Merry Christmas everyone!


End file.
